MISTAKE #21: You are not self-aware
Perhaps two years into my marriage, I had a rude awakening.
I was traveling with several coworkers doing a market visit in Florida. There happened to be an old industrial scale at a Publix we went into which prompted a bet regarding who could guess their weight most accurately. This was in the early 2000’s so the internet of things (including connected scales to track and chart our daily fluctuations) did not exist.
Being the youngest of the group, I offered to jump on first.
I had graduated high school at 175 and was willing to admit that I wasn’t in quite the same shape anymore so I generously guessed 190 pounds.
But the dial on the scale disagreed with me and proclaimed I was almost 215 pounds. This disappointed me because it meant that the scale was horribly out of calibration and the bets were off.
Unfortunately, there were three other subjects participating in this experiment and they proceeded to each guess their weight within a few pounds and prove that my conclusion about the scale’s calibration was wrong.
At this point, I found my flip phone, extended the antenna, and called my wife to share what I had discovered.
She didn’t even pause before offering me some of the most penetrating words I’ve ever heard:
“Honey, you’ve been letting yourself go since we got married.”
THE TRUTH CAN HURT
That day is one of the most vivid memories I have. It should be a fairly inconsequential event, but it has stuck with me for the bigger realizations I needed to start applying to my life:
It is easy to ignore or rationalize unpleasant facts: For a while, I had noticed that my clothes, my pants in particular, weren’t fitting the way they used to. I assumed the issue existed with my wife and how she did the laundry. I thought I was being a great husband by keeping my mouth shut and that I could solve the problem by secretly buying oversized clothes so they would fit properly once she inevitably shrank them.
Everything is interconnected: Prior to getting married, I operated as a poor college student determined to graduate without debt. This meant I was on a very limited food budget and I didn’t own a car, which meant I didn’t eat much and I walked everywhere. Marriage not only necessitated owning transportation, but I now had a new bride that was determined to show her love for me through the food she prepared. I enjoyed these new luxuries with no consideration of any possible side effects.
DON’T BE THE FROG IN THE WARMING WATER
I often work with clients that have clear issues or shortcomings that are immediately evident to an outsider. Issues not unlike how my weight gain would be obvious to anyone I hadn’t seen since my wedding.
Sometimes the clients don’t want to acknowledge the truth. Sometimes they’re so close to their business that they can’t see the truth. And sometimes they simply lack the perspective or experience to realize the consequences that can come from changing one aspect of their product.
People launching new products can’t help but get emotionally involved. There are plenty of topics (like one’s weight) that can be avoided or not discussed while they get progressively worse.
Make sure you’ve got good people around that you trust and respect enough to listen when they say ‘you’re letting yourself go.’ And make sure you’re not too quick to pin all your problems on others.
Recognizing and acknowledging bad decisions is critical to finding and owning a better solution.